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Try more practices · Lesson 8 of 11

Loving-Kindness Meditation: Four Simple Wishes

Learn to silently offer four good wishes to yourself and then to others, what to do if it feels awkward, and what early research says.

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Cover picture for lesson 8: Loving-Kindness Meditation: Four Simple WishesVideo coming soon
The video is not out yet. The written lesson below has the same content.
THE WRITTEN LESSONFollow along at your pace

Loving-kindness is a meditation where you silently offer good wishes, first to yourself, then to other people. Unlike the breath practice, it trains a warm feeling rather than attention. The steps follow the Greater Good in Action loving-kindness practice from UC Berkeley, which takes about 15 minutes in full. You will start with a much shorter version.

Four wishes for yourself

Start by settling with a few breaths. Then silently repeat four wishes for yourself: may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I be happy, may I live with ease. Say them slowly, with a pause between each one.

Under the heading Four silent wishes, a seated person with a small heart beside the head, and four cards: a shield labelled Safe, a heart with a pulse line labelled Healthy, a smiling face labelled Happy, and a wavy line labelled At ease.(opens the full-size picture)
Four short wishes: safe, healthy, happy, at ease.

A widening circle

Then offer the same wishes to someone you love. Then to a neutral person, someone you see but don’t really know. And finally, outward to everyone. Later, some people include someone they find difficult. There is no hurry to do that, and you can leave it out.

Concentric circles widening from an amber centre. Dashed lines label the rings Someone you love, A neutral person and Everyone. A small dashed circle to one side reads Someone difficult (later).(opens the full-size picture)
Each ring takes the same wishes a little further out.

If it feels odd

If it feels artificial or awkward at first, that’s okay. You don’t need to force a feeling. Just repeat the words gently, and notice whatever comes. Noticing an awkward feeling is part of the practice, not a sign that you are doing it wrong.

A slightly worried face with two chips beside it, Awkward? That's okay and No need to force it. Along the bottom are the four wishes: May I be safe, May I be healthy, May I be happy, May I live with ease.(opens the full-size picture)
Awkward is okay. Repeat the words gently.

What the research says

In a review of trials, kindness practices moderately eased self-reported low mood, compared with no treatment. But the studies were of low to moderate quality, and the results were imprecise. So treat it as a promising start, not a settled answer. You are trying it because it may help, not because it is proven.

A bar chart titled What the research says, with a shorter bar for Kindness practice labelled Eased moderately, and a taller bar for No treatment, about self-reported low mood. Beside it, a Study quality gauge points to the low end, with a chip that reads A promising start, not settled.(opens the full-size picture)
A moderate effect, but from studies of low to moderate quality.

Wishes you can follow

The video has a guided version with silences between the wishes. Without it, follow these steps, pausing for a slow breath after each wish:

  1. Sit comfortably. Let your eyes close, or rest your gaze softly.
  2. Take a slow breath, and settle.
  3. Silently, for yourself: may I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live with ease.
  4. Now bring to mind someone you love. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease.
  5. Now think of everyone, everywhere. May everyone be safe, healthy and happy, and live with ease.
  6. When you are ready, open your eyes.

YOUR TURN

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Read the full lesson script

In this lesson, you'll try loving-kindness: silently offering good wishes, first to yourself, then to others. It trains a warm feeling, rather than attention.

Start by settling with a few breaths. Then silently repeat four wishes for yourself: may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I be happy, may I live with ease.

Then offer the same wishes to someone you love. Then to a neutral person, someone you see but don't really know. And finally, outward to everyone. Later, some people include someone they find difficult.

If it feels artificial or awkward at first, that's okay. You don't need to force a feeling. Just repeat the words gently, and notice whatever comes.

What does the research say? In a review of trials, kindness practices moderately eased self-reported low mood, compared with no treatment. But the studies were of low to moderate quality. So treat it as a promising start, not a settled answer.

Let's offer these wishes together. Sit comfortably, and let your eyes close, or rest your gaze softly. Take a slow breath, and settle. Now, silently, for yourself: may I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live with ease. Now bring to mind someone you love. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease. Now think of everyone, everywhere. May everyone be safe, healthy and happy, and live with ease. When you're ready, open your eyes.

So remember: four simple wishes, a widening circle, and awkward is okay. Before the next lesson, offer the four wishes to yourself and one other person. Next, you'll try walking meditation.