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Meeting people · Lesson 4 of 10

Small Talk for Beginners: How to Start a Conversation

Open a conversation with an easy line, keep it going with follow-up questions, use names and end by pointing to next time.

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THE WRITTEN LESSONFollow along at your pace

You have found places where the same people show up. Now you need to start talking. In this lesson you will see why small talk matters, and get a few simple ways to open a conversation, keep it going and end it well.

Small talk is not empty

Many people see small talk as pointless. But it is how strangers check that it is safe to talk more. In one set of experiments, commuters who were asked to talk to a stranger had a more pleasant journey, even though most people expected the opposite.

That is a useful reminder when your head says “they won’t want to chat”. The evidence from those commuters says the chat is more likely to feel good than you predict.

Two people sitting on a train, one saying Nice morning! and the other saying Heading far? Beside them two bars compare How the trip felt: a short grey bar for Expected and a tall green bar for Actual trip. The word Pointless is crossed out, and a tag reads A safe first step.(opens the full-size picture)
People expected the chat to feel worse than it did.

Easy openers

You do not need a clever line. There are three easy ways to begin.

  • Comment on what you are both doing: “This class is busier than last week.”
  • Ask an easy, open question, one that needs more than yes or no: “How did you get into running?”
  • Or simply say your name: “I’m Sam, I’ve seen you here before.”
Three cards. Comment on what you share, with the example Busier than last week! Ask an open question, with How did you get into running? Say your name, with I'm Sam! A tag reads No clever line needed.(opens the full-size picture)
Three openers that need no clever line.

Keep it going

The easiest way to keep a conversation going is a follow-up question. Listen for one detail in their answer, and ask about it. Add a little about yourself too, so it feels like a swap, not an interview. People enjoy talking with someone who is curious about them. For more on listening well, see Active Listening Explained.

Two people trade speech bubbles. One says I started after I moved here, and the other asks Where did you move from? Then I moved from the coast, What do you miss most?, The sea! And you? and I grew up near a lake. A tag reads A swap, not an interview.(opens the full-size picture)
One detail, one follow-up question, and a little about yourself.

Names

Names matter. Say the person’s name back when you hear it, and use it once more before you leave. If you forget it next time, just ask again. Most people are glad you cared enough to ask.

Three cards: a name badge reading Priya with the line Nice to meet you, Priya under Say it back; a door with an arrow and See you next week, Priya under Use it before you leave; and a smiling face with Sorry, remind me of your name? under Forgot it? Ask again.(opens the full-size picture)
Say it back, use it once more, and ask again if you forget.

End well

How you leave matters too. End while it is still going well, and point to next time: “Good to meet you, see you next Tuesday.” That small line makes the next chat easier, because you have already agreed there will be one.

Two people wave goodbye, with the speech bubble Good to meet you, see you next Tuesday! Beside them a calendar page has the word Tuesday circled, with the text Next time is already agreed. A tag reads End well, point to next time.(opens the full-size picture)
Name the next time, and the next chat is already agreed.

YOUR TURN

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Read the full lesson script

Welcome back. You've found places where the same people show up. Now you need to start talking. In this lesson, you'll see why small talk matters, and get a few simple ways to open, keep going, and end a conversation.

Many people see small talk as pointless. But it's how strangers check that it's safe to talk more. In one set of experiments, commuters who were asked to talk to a stranger had a more pleasant journey, even though most people expected the opposite.

You don't need a clever line. Comment on what you're both doing: this class is busier than last week. Ask an easy, open question: how did you get into running? Or simply say your name: I'm Sam, I've seen you here before.

The easiest way to keep a conversation going is a follow-up question. Listen for one detail in their answer, and ask about it. Add a little about yourself too, so it feels like a swap, not an interview. People enjoy talking with someone who's curious about them.

Names matter. Say the person's name back when you hear it, and use it once more before you leave. If you forget it next time, just ask again. Most people are glad you cared enough to ask.

How you leave matters too. End while it's still going well, and point to next time: good to meet you, see you next Tuesday. That small line makes the next chat easier, because you've already agreed there will be one.

So remember: small talk is how people start trusting each other, and it often goes better than you expect. Open with what you share, a simple question, or your name. Then ask follow-up questions, and end by pointing to next time. Before the next lesson, use one opener with someone you see regularly but have never really talked to. Next, you'll see why people like you more than you think.