WiserHours
Menu

Follow your curiosity

Traps and your plan · Lesson 10 of 11

Comparison, Social Media and Forced Positivity

See how highlight reels and pressure to be happy can lower your mood, and how to cut back on scrolling and let feelings sit.

FREE LESSON
Cover picture for lesson 10: Comparison, Social Media and Forced PositivityVideo coming soon
The video is not out yet. The written lesson below has the same content.
THE WRITTEN LESSONFollow along at your pace

Two habits can quietly pull your happiness down: comparing yourself with other people, and pushing yourself to look on the bright side all the time. In this lesson you see what the research says about each one, and what you can do instead.

Highlight reels

Feeds show other people’s best moments: the holiday, the promotion, the perfect meal. We then compare that with our own ordinary Tuesday, which is not a fair match. Visible spending works in a similar way. What people choose to show often follows what the people around them show, not what makes them happier.

A phone feed with three bright cards: Holiday, Promotion and Perfect meal. Beside it is a card called Your ordinary Tuesday with an alarm clock, a laptop and a cup. On the right, a car and a watch sit in spotlight rays above onlookers, labeled Following the crowd.(opens the full-size picture)
A feed of best moments next to an ordinary day is not a fair comparison.

Does using social media less help?

Reviews of many trials found that limiting or quitting social media lifts wellbeing slightly at best. Taking a full break, on its own, showed no clear change in mood. So it is worth a try, but do not expect it to change your life.

A bar chart titled How people felt. The bar for Limit or quit is only a little taller than the bar for Usual use. A phone and a flat face are labeled Full break alone: no clear change.(opens the full-size picture)
The difference is small: slightly better at best.

Where the time goes

One reason is that freed-up time often slides into other apps. In one large trial, people who took a six-week break from one app spent the freed time on other phone apps instead. So decide in advance what you will do with the time.

An hourglass labeled Time freed up with a dashed arrow to a phone full of other app icons. A calendar says 6 weeks, and a card titled Plan the free time lists A walk, A book and A friend.(opens the full-size picture)
Free time disappears unless you give it a plan.

Start light

If you want to cut back, start light. Turn off notifications, log out, set a time limit, or move the app off your home screen. Then try a break with an end date, rather than quitting forever on day one.

Four ticked rows: Turn off notifications (a crossed-out bell), Log out (a door with an arrow), Set a time limit (a stopwatch) and A break with an end date (a calendar).(opens the full-size picture)
Four light steps, in the order you might try them.

The trap of forced positivity

The second trap is pressure to be happy all the time. In a survey across forty countries, people who felt more pressure to be happy and not sad reported worse wellbeing. A survey like this cannot show cause and effect, so it is a pattern, not proof. But it is worth knowing.

A smiling mask on a stick next to the crossed-out words Always look on the bright side. A globe is labeled 40 countries, a red line sloping down is labeled Worse wellbeing under More pressure to be happy, and a tag says A pattern, not proof.(opens the full-size picture)
More pressure to be happy went with worse wellbeing, but it is a pattern only.

Let feelings sit

Hiding feelings, and judging yourself for having them, are both linked to more distress. Accepting a bad feeling is linked to less. Optimism still helps, as long as it sits beside the hard feeling instead of replacing it. When a friend is struggling, listen and name the feeling before offering a bright side.

A person with a smiling mask beside two cards: Push it away with a red cross and Accept the feeling with a green check. A sun and a rain cloud sit side by side. Below, two people talk, one listening, with the words Listen and name the feeling before offering a bright side.(opens the full-size picture)
Accept the feeling, and let the sun and the cloud sit side by side.

When to get help

Ordinary sadness is part of life. If you have felt low or lost interest most days for two weeks or more, see a doctor. In a crisis, call your local emergency number.

YOUR TURN

Read more

Read the full lesson script

In this lesson, you'll see how comparing yourself with others, social media, and the pressure to always look on the bright side can quietly pull your happiness down, and what to do instead.

Feeds show other people's best moments: the holiday, the promotion, the perfect meal. We compare that with our ordinary Tuesday. Visible spending works the same way: what people show often tracks what the people around them show, not what makes them happier.

So does cutting back on social media help? Reviews of many trials found that limiting or quitting it lifts wellbeing slightly at best. Taking a full break, on its own, showed no clear change in mood.

One reason is that freed-up time often slides into other apps. In one large trial, people who took a six-week break from one app spent the freed time on other phone apps instead. So decide in advance what you'll do with the time.

If you want to cut back, start light. Turn off notifications, log out, set a time limit, or move the app off your home screen. Then try a break with an end date, rather than quitting forever on day one.

The second trap is pressure to be happy all the time. In a survey across forty countries, people who felt more pressure to be happy and not sad reported worse wellbeing. The study can't show cause and effect, but the pattern is worth knowing.

Hiding feelings, and judging yourself for having them, are both linked to more distress. Accepting a bad feeling is linked to less. Optimism still helps, as long as it sits beside the hard feeling instead of replacing it. And when a friend is struggling, listen and name the feeling before offering a bright side.

So remember: feeds show highlight reels, not real life. Cutting back helps a little, especially if you plan the freed-up time. And let hard feelings sit beside the good ones. Before the next lesson, notice one moment of comparison this week, and swap that scroll for something on your own list. Next, you'll plan your own happiness experiments.