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When it's hard · Lesson 9 of 11

Perfectionism and the Fear of Starting: How to Begin Anyway

Tell high standards from fear of mistakes, write a rough first draft, and be kind to yourself without lowering the bar.

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THE WRITTEN LESSONFollow along at your pace

If you are afraid your work will not be good enough, starting can feel impossible. In this lesson you learn to tell the helpful kind of perfectionism from the kind that stalls you, and a few ways to begin anyway.

Two sides of perfectionism

Perfectionism has two sides. One is reaching for very high standards. The other is fearing mistakes, judging yourself harshly and worrying about what others will think. You do not have to stop caring about quality. What counts is how you react when the work falls short.

A split card headed Perfectionism. On the left, a target labelled High standards. On the right, a worried face with three tags, Fear of mistakes, Harsh self-judgment and What will they think?, labelled Fear side. Notes read You can still care about quality when the work falls short, and What counts is how you react.(opens the full-size picture)
Caring about quality is fine. The fear side is the problem.

Which side causes delay

The two sides go in different directions. Across many studies, harsh self-criticism and worry about judgment went with more procrastination. Very high personal standards went with slightly less. Both links are small, and they are associationscorrelation: A measure of how closely two things move together, running from minus one, where one rises as the other falls, through zero, meaning no link, to plus one. It says how strong the relationship is, not what causes it, and it is not a percentage.Full entry in the glossary, not proof that one causes the other.

Two rows under the words Across many studies. Harsh self-criticism and worry about judgment points to More delay in red. Very high personal standards points to Slightly less delay in green. A note reads Small links, not proof, Associations only.(opens the full-size picture)
Self-criticism went with more delay. High standards went with slightly less.

Spot the difference

Here is how to tell them apart. Say you send a report and spot a small error an hour later. Fixing it in the next version and moving on fits high standards. Rereading it all evening and dreading what your manager thinks fits the fear side.

A report page with a red X marking one small error, labelled Your report, One small error, An hour later. A dashed arrow leads to Fix it next time, move on, which fits high standards. Another leads to a worried face and Reread all evening, dread, which fits the fear side.(opens the full-size picture)
The same small error can lead to two very different evenings.

Stuck at the first line

Fear often shows up at the very start. Picture someone who spends hours on the first paragraph of an essay: write a sentence, erase it, try again. Drafting and judging happen at the same time, and the judge wins.

A card titled One student, first paragraph, with two lines struck through in red, a third grey line and a circular arrow for starting again. Beside it, a worried face above a pen labelled Drafting and a gavel labelled Judging, with a note The judge wins.(opens the full-size picture)
When drafting and judging happen together, judging wins.

Separate drafting from judging

So separate the two. Write a deliberately rough first draft, knowing you will fix it later. And say out loud which work needs polish and which needs speed: good enough for this purpose.

A box called Draft, Rough is fine, with a pen and a page, and a dashed arrow to a box called Judge, Later, with a magnifying glass. Below, tags read Needs polish and Needs speed, and a banner reads Good enough for this purpose.(opens the full-size picture)
Draft first, judge later.

Loosen the rules

If you are stuck, write down the rules you are obeying. For example, “the first sentence must be perfect.” Rewrite each one with “usually” or “try to”, and pick a fallback for when it does not fit, such as starting with the middle.

Under The rules you're obeying, the sentence The first sentence must be perfect is crossed out, with a dashed arrow down to Try to write a clear first sentence. Tags read usually and try to. Below, Or start with the middle, A fallback for when it doesn't fit.(opens the full-size picture)
Swap a strict rule for usually or try to, and keep a fallback.

Kind, not soft

Being kinder to yourself is not lowering your standards. Mistakes still get noticed and fixed. What changes is the tone. In experiments, people encouraged to be kind to themselves after a failure were more motivated to improve. Pair the kind words with the next concrete step, such as “That stung. Next time I will check the figures first.”

A seated person with a heart, beside a target and the words Standards stay the same. A speech bubble reads That stung. Next time I'll check the figures first. Tags read Mistakes still get fixed, Kinder tone, In experiments: more motivated to improve, and Plus the next step.(opens the full-size picture)
A kinder tone, the same standards, and a next step.

Good enough choices

Fear of choosing wrong can stall a start too. Write down two or three must-haves, with a bar for each, then take the first option that clears them all. In surveys, people who always aimed for the best felt less happy and more regretful than people who aimed for good enough.

A box of three Must-haves, each with a bar. Beside it, Option A with two ticks and a cross, Option B with three ticks marked Take it, and Option C marked Not needed. Below, a sad face with Always the best: more regret, and a happy face with Good enough: happier, fewer regrets.(opens the full-size picture)
Take the first option that clears every must-have.

YOUR TURN

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Read the full lesson script

In this lesson, you'll look at perfectionism and the fear of starting, and how to begin when you're afraid it won't be good enough.

Perfectionism has two sides. One is reaching for very high standards. The other is fearing mistakes, judging yourself harshly, and worrying about what others will think. You don't have to stop caring about quality. What counts is how you react when the work falls short.

The two sides go in different directions. Across many studies, harsh self-criticism and worry about judgment went with more procrastination. Very high personal standards went with slightly less. Both links are small, and they're associations, not proof.

Here's how to tell them apart. You send a report and spot a small error an hour later. Fixing it in the next version and moving on fits high standards. Rereading it all evening, and dreading what your manager thinks, fits the fear side.

Fear often shows up at the very start. One student could spend hours on the first paragraph of an essay: write a sentence, erase it, try again. Drafting and judging happen at once, and the judge wins.

So separate drafting from judging. Write a deliberately rough first draft, knowing you'll fix it later. And say out loud which work needs polish and which needs speed: good enough for this purpose.

If you're stuck, write down the rules you're obeying. For example, the first sentence must be perfect. Rewrite each one with usually or try to, and pick a fallback for when it doesn't fit.

Being kinder to yourself isn't lowering your standards. Mistakes still get noticed and fixed. What changes is the tone. In experiments, people encouraged to be kind to themselves after a failure were more motivated to improve. Pair the kind words with the next concrete step.

Fear of choosing wrong can stall a start too. Write down two or three must-haves, with a bar for each, then take the first option that clears them all. In surveys, people who always aimed for the best felt less happy and more regretful than people who aimed for good enough.

So remember: high standards are fine, fear is the part that delays, and draft before you judge. Before the next lesson, write a deliberately rough first draft of something for ten minutes. Next, you'll learn how to get out of a slump.